drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
