my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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