I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
