whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
