Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
