at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
