There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
