Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
