I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize