Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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