College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
