You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
so much tequila, so little girl.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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