Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
