She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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