I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
