if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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