I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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