i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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