the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
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