This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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