the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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