i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
