Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
