Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
