i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
