Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize