How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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