So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
