TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
