And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
