I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm passing your future prison.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
