She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
