I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
