Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I want her autograph on my taint
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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