I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
