went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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