i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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