For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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