Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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