I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
how drunk are you?
Several
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
