I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
