I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
As shirtless as possible
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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