are you so shy because you have an std?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
