remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
