I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
