I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
