you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
