So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
