I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize