Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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