I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
