I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
