apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Found the puke drawer
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
