just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
