Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
