my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
