Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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