i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
