...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
