This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
