I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
