My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
