who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
