I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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