Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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