I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
