I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
